After a toss-and-turn kind of restless night, I awoke early this morning feeling jangled…hurt, angry, apathetic and…well…revitalized in a weird way.
The first thing I did was the notorious “unfriend” on Facebook of people who were horridly rude to me when I saw them recently. I get they were told to shun me, which is stupid unto itself. You can’t have too many friends, too many supportive and loving people in your lives, right? But when one individual is jealous and feeling threatened by another’s good relationships and unable to “share” others, this is the kind of small-minded thing that happens. It’s unfortunate and sad, but if you choose to follow that lead, so be it. I don’t need “spies” on my Facebook page (as someone told me directly they were told to do). I have nothing to hide and I don’t talk trash about others, so there’s nothing to see anyway. But, for the privilege of looking, you’ll have to go to the work to “search” for me…which is simple, but…point made.
I am not so petty as to “block” others simply because I don’t like what they say or that they call me out. I’ve had interesting give and take on Facebook. If it goes too far and someone is abusive, I simply delete my posts so I don’t see the thread any longer. I’ve blocked someone once…someone who was horribly abusive and threatening. Beyond that, isn’t it just way overkill? I guess I just don’t feel like folks are enemies, real or imagined, and I’m always willing to be open to future contact and reconciliations, where possible. I feel that those who “block” have simply blocked themselves to the possibilities.
In my current mood, I have a thing or two to say (and I’ve said some of it before)…
If you have a job, be glad of it, work it the best you possibly can and then a little better. There are people pounding the pavement to find ANY job to support themselves and their families. I’ve met former CEOs who now bag my groceries. Nothing is below them as they just want to take care of their loved ones. You are likely not a former CEO. However, many of you have said you are too good for the job you have. So…if you want out, GO! No one is forcing you to stay. If you stay, quit the complaining. I get that the new shift sucks or the boss is annoying, but don’t make mountains out of molehills. Move along.
If you are changing jobs every time you turn around because you are so unhappy, so stressed, so put upon, so much smarter/nicer/whatever than your boss, think again. It’s likely YOU, not them. How can EVERY boss and EVERY job you’ve had been so horrible? Grow up! Being snotty, conceited, being a martyr or … whatever … will never enhance what job skills you have or what job skills you think you have, but no one sees. Resume building never goes well when you can’t or won’t keep a job and people who do hiring can see right through these resumes.
Vacations? Yup, we all want them, but the majority of us can’t afford them or our work ethic keeps us from it or we are taking care of others who cannot travel or a million other reasons. So, don’t complain if you aren’t getting away every month or so. It makes you sound really entitled and whiney. Honestly, it does! Enjoy the time you get away, tell us about how great it was, but stop bemoaning not getting to do even more!
If you have a loving, supportive family, don’t be nasty and snide with them…especially on Facebook or other social media where you are hanging them out to dry for the world to see. No one is impressed with that and you hurt and embarrass those who love you. Appreciate them. Show them appreciation! One day they’ll be gone and all you’ll have left is the sorry memory of how you treated them. Don’t let it be all about you and what you want. Be patient, be kind, be loving, be supportive. Get off the instant gratification carousel. A gentle reminder or request is far more effective and appreciated than being berated. If you have something to say, say it as you go along in loving ways. Discuss issues openly. The other person may well not even know you have a problem until you tell them. Don’t blame them for not reading your mind. Remember, every day could be the last day you have with anyone. Ask yourself if you want a fight or nasty remarks to be your last communication with that other person.
And keep your nose and opinions out of your friends lives unless they invite you in. And, even if they invited you in, don’t air others problems/issues with the world on Facebook. They have entrusted you as a friend. If they want their family business out there, they’ll do it. You don’t have a right or reason to do it for them. That is how friendships are lost. This is what hurts family relationships. This is what makes you look really bad to those reading those posts.
If you lose your hat, get dumped by a love of 2 WHOLE MONTHS, break your sandal, fall in front of others, need a pedicure you can’t afford for 3 days from now…WHATEVER!…do NOT talk about it as though it’s life shattering. Do NOT talk about how horrible your life it. Do NOT use “FML”. If you do, now is the time to find a dark, quiet closet and go hide in it, shaking with anticipation of what life has to offer…and to take away. Believe me, if these are your big old issues that make you lose it, come to me and I’ll give you stories that will shake you to your core. Not just mine, but others, too. If these are the only “horrible” things you deal with in your life, you are riding the show pony. Enjoy it.
When you think you have it so bad, talk to someone with cancer, with a disability, with a horribly injured or ill child, with a person struggling with suicide and depression, with a person who lost their job and is being evicted with their families, with a person whose loved one was murdered…oh…so many people really know just how bad it can be. And so many of these lovely, gracious people will tell you that they know someone has it worse than them and they wouldn’t trade their problems with others. However, they’d like to ONLY have your issue for the day.
Which brings me to this…to those self-absorbed individuals who want to tell everyone their stories…ad nauseum…but fail to wonder or listen to others stories, you are missing out. You are not learning. You are not building bridges. You are not finding a new friend and comrade in arms. You are going nowhere beyond your last incident to try to regal people with, to make them pity you. The flip side to this is that you are missing out on WHO these others individuals are, what makes them who they are, what brought them to this place… losing out on it utterly and completely. If I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it a million times, “you don’t understand what it’s like” followed by NOT being willing to listen to my response to that. You do NOT know me or what I’ve been through to say that to me. You do not know I have shared experiences with you because you don’t care. And you most certainly don’t want to hear the lessons I’ve learned…even on the chance that it may give you insight into your own situations. I’m not saying to listen to me and I’ll teach you lessons. No, you have to learn your own. But you can learn from others stories what you choose to do, to avoid, to move forward with.
Then there is my issue with people who want to be given everything but want to give nothing in return. This is a give and take world we live in. I don’t care how hard you’ve had it and how much you feel you deserve to receive due to how hard you’ve had it, sooner or later the freebies are going to dry up and folks are going to expect you to find your own way…rightfully so. It’s a disservice of any organization to continually give to the same individuals with no expectations. There is no lesson there. There is no follow-thru. I’m not saying Christmas gifts and emergency supplies, but in general weekly supplies being handed out to people, especially those with jobs and who are receiving the same handouts elsewhere, is not equipping people to get off the social service wagon and learn to live on their own. It should never be considered right or “normal” to live off others. There is a cycle to break for individuals and families who have lived generation to generation in this way. Success is NOT in staying on these welfare programs, it’s finding a way off of them. There is nothing wrong with asking people to help out in some way as appreciation for what they are receiving. It’s the best way to be actively involved in good deeds while learning valuable life lessons. If you are receiving freebies all the time, offer to help organize and hand out those supplies to others, help clean up after events, write thank you letters to donors…somehow…GIVE!
Man, ranting/venting feels really liberating! I’m sure some will say I’m being totally bitchy. Sorry about that, sorry that’s your own opinion. A lot of things have happened in the last six months that have driven me to finally share. Yesterday was the last straw… when I spoke to someone I love so dearly, who has been so badly hurt that they feel their dreams since childhood seem far away and maybe shattered, I’m just so done with garbage. I’m naming my issues here and now. Take it or leave it.
I’m likely going to have others “unfriend” me due to this and that’s okay because, quite obviously, they weren’t really friends anyway, right? And I may pick up some new like-minded friends through this and that’s always interesting. Regardless, I say what I mean and I mean what I say. If you want someone weak who will not be straight forward with you, I’m know you can find those individuals. I guess I’m more tough love than anything else, but I’m not really tough at all compared to so many others. I just really want to see people succeed in good, important ways, to live life well and out loud. I want people to work through their issues to become bigger people, kinder people, compassionate people. I want people to stop being so self-absorbed and entitled. Move it along, folks!
All that being said…deep cleansing breath…and outta here!